I’m going to write this like you’re all newbies – ’cause I think many of you are and I want to share my story again. My story and how my perspective has changed was brought to my attention last night. 3 years ago at this time we went for a little Canada Day celebration. We were also approaching the third anniversary of our baby girl being diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis. Go ahead, Google it…. I’ll wait here.
Welcome back… So yeah, pretty terrifying to say the least. My reaction to it all, I think, was pretty normal and one of the things I liked to do was create as much chaos as possible. Not negative chaos – but I just made sure I was always busy, busy, busy. If I wasn’t busy – I would cry. Sitting idle made my poor heart face too many realities all at once and if I didn’t cry – I would eat, like A LOT! So 3 years ago at this time we went on this little trip to the mountains and I can still remember the anxiety of having my child in these crowds around all these germs – she still sucked her thumb at the time too so that didn’t really help. We had a wonderful trip but looking back I can still see – no, I can still FEEL how on-edge I was the whole time. In the end, she ended up with a fever in the evening and I stayed back with her while my husband took our older child to enjoy the fireworks….. I can’t help but wonder if I manifested this fever because I couldn’t do the crowds anymore.
Bless the Universe and the beautiful ways it works…. it did NOT want me to live this way and in my efforts to heal my broken heart I always kept coming back to stillness. Nothing can heal in chaos. Not your heart, not your soul and certainly NOT your mind. Yoga is nothing if not a celebration of stillness and giving your body and mind what it needs to work together.
In this stillness – I knew what I wanted – and it was to not live a life of anxiety based on things I simply could not control. I did not want to live in chaos – you miss a whole lot of delicious moments in your life if you don’t stop to breathe it all in. There are many, many things I can control about how Cystic Fibrosis; if I wanted to stay REALLY in control I would bubble-wrap my baby girl and we would never leave the house. This is NOT a life anyone should be forced to live. We are going to the same town to celebrate Canada Day this year and it’s liberating to see how far we have come … how much more I am only focused on the beautiful family memories we will create and not the fear of the unknown. So we find the balance – we breathe a sigh of relief when she finally stops sucking her thumb – and we forge on ahead armed with the desire to not let fear and chaos rob of us the moment and buckets of hand sanitizer!!