Archives for posts with tag: body love

I met with a client yesterday and much of her story resonated with me… we both have been on “diets” and the quest for weight loss since before we were 10.  We both had mamas that struggled with their weight.  We both have 2 little girls that we will give anything, ANYTHING to not pass these body-image issue onto!

Through this whole process I have never said I am on a “diet”… I try my best to not moralize food… we don’t say certain foods are “bad” for you or “good” for you… we just talk about healthy choices.  I also try very hard to let my kids follow their hunger cues….  But there are things that are far more important than this….  They are watching and listening.  They see me look at myself in the mirror, they watch me step on the scale…. they listen to me talk to my friends… and as my husband says

“little cabbages have big ears…”

In just a few years time my influence on my daughters when it comes to body image will no longer be as substantial as their friends or the media so I have some work to do and I think it is of the utmost importance that they learn from a woman who feels good about her body and her appearance – but it’s a fine line too right?  I want to send the message loud and clear to them that what they look like is  just about the  smallest  part of being a WHOLE good person.

They are listening mamas… but not to the lip service you pay them when you are making their lunches or choosing a snack…  They watch you get ready for a date with their Dad, they see you turn and turn in front of the mirror and then frown, they hear you say the “F” word to your friends (FAT)….

If I succeed at one thing in my life – giving my girls a healthy attitude about their bodies would make me so proud… Listen to yourself today, watch yourself today… Could you do things differently?

body image scale

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Oh my friends… having some weird times lately.  Feeling stuck, feeling overwhelmed and then feeling numb.  I realize that I have spent so much of my life in the pursuit of weight loss that I don’t know what to do with this free space in my head – so I dip my toe in the possibilities and everything comes rushing at once and I want to do it all… RIGHT NOW!  So… back to stuck again… and I run through the cycle.

So in noticing all of this lately – something else has been cropping up… some little part in my noggin’ that I thought was gone has started picking on me again… Those “After” pictures that I was so proud of 2 or 3 months ago are starting to look different to me. I am starting to criticize them and “find the fat” if you will.  It’s like this track in my brain wants to keep playing the same old song and dance and the only way it can get me to do that is to change what I see so it can keep me a prisoner of how I feel about my body.  So, now, instead of feeling proud of my “After” pictures I start to see where I could lose some more weight, where I could “tone” things up, where I need to ask the people that I’m coaching for forgiveness because I know my body isn’t “just right” so who am I to tell them how to change theirs???  Ugh, so gross.

So, now I see the cycle of the last year and everytime that asshole in my head started to pick on me and my body I would do another round of protocol… I would change my “After” picture a little bit more…  but something has changed that’s bigger than just an “After” picture…  I acknowledge that over a year ago when I was contemplating doing my first round of protocol I remember negotiating my little deal with the Universe… I remember saying “if I could JUST get there…” (with my weight) “I’ll be happy… I’ll be satisfied…”  and guess what? I’m there.. and most of the time I am happy and satisfied – but oh that asshole in my head!   I see decades… yep, I said it DECADES of wishing for a body I was NEVER going to have… Even when I was “imaginary fat” I was ALWAYS chasing 5 or 10 pounds…. 5 or 10 pounds kept me away from body satisfaction and made me a prisoner to diet and exercise…  So I see it now, truly – that even another round of protocol is not going to be the cure here…  It’s NOT about my body…

So… my solution?  No protocol.  Just maintenance. Just living. Just learning to treat my body with love and respect. Just yoga. Just sex. Just eating good food when I’m hungry.  Just celebrating life as it is.   Just being in THIS body. Right now.  To let who I want to be realize that I want to be so much more than a pant size or a number on the scale.  That I NEED to teach two amazing little girls that how much physical space they take up in this world is irrelevant to who they are and how much spiritual space they must contribute!

What a waste… what a waste… what a waste…. time to focus on things that I CAN change….

waste

There’s this epidemic amongst women where self-depracation is practically mandatory… how often have you been sitting amongst a group of bright, brilliant, confident women and the second someone starts in on a “muffintop” everyone weighs in with a laundry list of their apparent deformities.

It’s ridiculous.

It’s offensive.

I am, by far, one of the worst perpetrators of this phenomenon.

Why do we do it? Why do we try to dim our brightness? Why do we try to make apologies for all of the things that make us great…. This isn’t humility…Humility is giving without a thought of receiving, humility is being wise without being bossy,

Humility is not showing someone how your arm fat jiggles if you wave your arms over your head! 

So…. I have made a deal with myself. I’m not going to do it anymore. I won’t. I have decided I love myself too much to try to break me down anymore…  In fact, if you decide to be self-depracating in my presence I might tell you something that I love about my body … or worse, I might make you tell me something that you love about yours. You have been warned 😉

marriannwilliamson