Archives for posts with tag: emotional eating

Below is a testimonial from our client, Jennifer Blair, of Red Deer.  Watching her go through the process that we have so lovingly created has been such a pleasure for us.  We don’t have before and after pictures just yet for Jen as she is currently in her second round of protocol.  However, I prefer using words to define someone’s “after” success….  We don’t focus on scales or body appearance.  We focus on how a client FEELS.  What they have gained from listening to their bodies and focusing on the things that are REALLY important to them -rather than their thighs!

Here is what Jen had to say after her first round of protocol:

I’ve done a lot of crazy things to lose weight over the years. There was that week in college when I did the cabbage soup diet, or that time a personal trainer told me that three hours every day in the gym was my life now, or that brief foray into caffeine pills and ephedrine (on the advice of another personal trainer.) Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Zone, gluten-free, sugar-free, low-carb, paleo, juice fasts — I’ve tried every diet out there, and every diet failed me.

Good thing for me, then, that Goodbye My Muffintop’s Release Protocol isn’t a diet.
Sure, the Release Protocol looks like a diet on the outside. That’s certainly what I thought I was getting myself into last month when I decided, at long last, to try it. Desperate times call for desperate measures, after all, and after years and years of struggling – and failing – to lose weight, I was the very definition of desperate. One more crazy diet couldn’t hurt, right?
But when I met with Kelly, her journey and her passion sparked something in me that I had lost a long time ago: hope. Hope that I could live the kind of life I’ve always envisioned for myself — regardless of the number on the scale.
And now, at the end of my first round of protocol, I’ve seen first-hand the power of the Release Protocol – not just in the pounds or the inches I’ve lost, but in the things I’ve gained along the way: a better understanding of my eating habits; an ability to listen to my body and its hunger cues; a vital support system of like-minded men and women; a new toolbox of ways to manage my feelings; and a new-found realization that I am enough just as I am.
Yes, I’ve lost 25 lbs so far with help from Goodbye My Muffintop – but I’ve regained my purpose, my drive, and my faith in myself, and to me, that’s more valuable than any number on the scale.
Crazy, right?
When I asked Jen to give me more words to express where she’s at right now – this is what she suggested….  gawd I love my job!!
time to blossom

Last fall I was scrolling my newsfeed on Facebook and serendipity had a little fun with my life – you see, I was drunk.  I actually rarely drink and even more rarely get drunk so drunk scrolling on Facebook was very unusual.  Even more unusual was the message I sent to a friend telling her how happy and relaxed she looked in all of the recent photos she had posted.  This is a friend that gets real squirmy when you fire her a compliment – not in a “gawd, stop trying to be so humble when you’re so arrogant” kind of way… she REALLY is that humble and I REALLY check myself before I deliver her a compliment because I don’t want to make her uncomfortable.

So… I told her this and she said “Dude, we have to go for dinner because you won’t believe why I’m so happy and relaxed”.. so we did.  And she told me that she had an Energy Healer come and clear her house and then also had a treatment on her body and that I just HAD to contact her!!  I have lots of friends that are just as hippy dippy as me and this friend is NOT one of them – so it made me take note!

Fast forward a couple of months and I finally reached out to Lisa from Nine of Water….

lisa

Life.

Changing.

She has helped me Release so much garbage from my body and my soul…. months, years, probably lifetimes of guilt and shame.  All of the things that I knew deep down I was capable of becoming –  I am becoming.  She has helped me remove fear and doubt.  She has helped me learn to trust my intuition and guard my heart without having to lose my “heart on my sleeve” sincerity.  I am stronger, smarter, more confident…. all of this was in my soul to become and she helped and encouraged and it’s all happening people!  It’s not all sunshine and rainbows and unicorn poop…. she gets real and helps you with the little piles of shit you covered up in the corners of your soul… if we want to be free we gotta clean that stuff up lovies!

Our Release Retreats are always about our own personal journeys.. we share our own stories and the tools we have used to achieve self-love and surrender to the beauty of our lives.  So, it was kind of a no brainer when we asked Lisa to be a part of our day!  We did a quick little question and answer and here is what Lisa had to say:

Why did you agree to be a special guest at our Retreat?

“Because I LOVE love!!! I am ignited when women come together to encourage, support and acknowledge each other. I know that this will be nothing short of that.”
Initially, what “drew” you to us and the Retreat?
“The timing of the event. 2015 is all about self care!”
What part of our Retreat is the most exciting to you?
“Coming together to shed and dissolve the layers of resentment, pain or guilt. Super excited to infuse and integrate forgiveness, safety and support. My mouth salivates thinking about the tasty delicious exercises that we will all take part in!!”
My mouth salivates too when I think of the delicious day we are about to serve some women of Central Alberta!  I am so excited and so honoured that our little tribe of women is going to empower another group to create more love and more good in the world!
If you would like to schedule an appointment with Lisa before the Retreat (which I actually strongly encourage you to do) – you can check out her website and give her a call.  I think there would be some real value in identifying some issues before the Retreat so we can really dig deep and RELEASE once and for all!
Spaces are filling quickly and our earlybird rate expires at the end of the month so CLICK HERE TO REGISTER RIGHT MEOW!  Namaste my loves… Namaste.

A couple of weeks ago we talked about “Truth” at Muffin Talk and how stepping into our truth (living authentically) can be a tricky business…  It’s probably been the toughest step for me in my “Release Revolution”….  What has been difficult for me to wrap my brain around is that it is okay for truth to change.  For whatever reason, I was brought up thinking that anyone that changes their truth a lot is a flake, mis-directed, not ambitious… now I see very clearly that the “Truth” is that this couldn’t be farther from the “Truth”!

Many of us have to adjust our truth frequently because we are so desperately searching for a place to “belong” – our culture dictates that there is nothing more important than “fitting in” – and many of us scramble and hustle to do this well.  We buy the right jeans and purses, we go to the right places, we eat the right things, we kick our asses at the right boot camps…. we hide our shame in the pantry or the bottom of a wine glass, we stuff our closets to hide the mess, we tap-dance for people that we quite frankly don’t really like. 

I have a secret….

About the truth….

Jeans and purses and wine and crackers won’t make you love yourself more…. or anyone else love you more for that matter.  Your soul wants you desperately to find your purpose…. to find your TRUTH … and if you take a minute to STOP the hustle? You just mind find it! 

In Junior and High School my best friend and I LOVED to write poetry… we dabbled in dark junkie language a la Nikki Sixx (’cause you know… we could totally identify in small town Southern Alberta).  I miss poetry and I haven’t attempted a single verse in almost 20 years.  I read this poem I wrote at Muffin Talk and it felt GOOD.  It felt like the TRUTH.

Truth is beauty.

Truth is forgiving.

Truth ebbs and flows and changes like every breath of everyday.

Truth is never the same….  Somewhere in the middle lies the truth.

Truth is nature is malleable, flexible, stunning and real…. we marvel at the metamorphosis.

Truth in our lives?

It’s scary.

It’s rigid.

It’s hard to change

It’s VULNERABLE…

The truth? 

The truth is;

we drink too much

we eat too much

we hate too much

we hurt too much…  because we can’t handle the truth.

The truth is…It feels too hard to find the truth, it feels too raw, too exposed, too shameful…

But it’s harder living a lie.

Your TRUTH is who you are at your core… your fundamental being…  some people won’t like it… but if you get there – it won’t matter.  You’ll be home.

truth

When it comes to the volunteer work that I do – as well as the GBMM  work – it leaves me open to a great deal of criticism.  Some of it is real – some of it is imagined.   Criticism is a vulnerability soft spot for me – I wonder if it’s because I worry that once one of my shortcomings are identified by someone that the floodgates will open and all the shitty things I think about myself suddenly will be nothing but the truth??  Gawd, as I type this I know how silly it seems to think this.

I’m involved with a book study of “The Gifts Of Imperfection” by Brene Brown and today this quote just rocked my world:

“Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection…”

The last 2 and half years of my life have been an experiment of living authentically and vulnerably and I have had the very highest of highs and the lowest of lows but today that quote made me realize I will always stay low if I get too scared to stay vulnerable. The end of 2013 was very difficult and the first half of 2014 hasn’t been much easier and I see so clearly now that my survival mode was to stop being vulnerable and I really shut-down quite a bit.

It got me thinking about the criticism that I’m so afraid of …. it’s never the constructive stuff.  The people that offer constructive criticism have just as much skin in the game as I do… they are living a life as authentically as they can and they reach out to me and offer me guidance when it’s needed.

But that destructive criticism?  That’s the shit that gets me.  That’s the stuff that gets me in my tender little heart.  How do these trolls know where to get you?

The quote “It’s not the critics who count….” is my mantra.

That’s my new barometer for taking outside criticism and considering if it’s constructive or destructive…. if it’s coming from a person who has been in the arena…   I hear it … if it’s coming from an asshole who has nothing better to do than attack a person from behind the comfort of a computer screen I am getting so much better at dismissing it!

Also… putting myself in this role did magnify my shortcomings…. how can it not? None of us are perfect! I’m pretty proud of the courage it took to plow ahead anyway and proud of the courage it takes right now to not give you a laundry list of all the reasons why the work I do is hindered by my inadequacies. 

Today, when I read the words about staying vulnerable I realized that I had “vulnerability burnout”…  I forgot to nurture my vulnerable parts and had to withdraw… guess what? That didn’t work and I have simply felt stuck for the last 4 months.

This is so clear to me now…. if you make a promise to yourself to be your most authentic you… you MUST make a commitment of EXTREME self-care and compassion.  This is the only way to protect your vulnerable heart if you want to wear it on your sleeve ❤not the critic

I feel like I have said this too many times to count over the last two years but I think it bears repeating…..  If you want to feel good about your body, if you want to set yourself free from insecurity surrounding your body…. You MUST accept your body;

All of it;

The scars;

The squishy flesh;

The shiny stretch marks;

The too short legs; and

The fwappy arms….

You must ACCEPT….. and then…. learn to love.

There is NOTHING I mean NOTHING good in this entire Universe that comes from hate…. hating your body will not force it into submission, will not erase your wobbly bits…  hating your shortcomings whether they are related to your physical appearance will not result in self-acceptance and love.

It’s okay if this concept seems ridiculously foreign to you.  It’s okay if right now this seems impossible…. but you can start… just a baby step.

Today – what if you started with love.  When you feel a hateful thought bubbling in your brain… what if you stopped it?  What if you said “Nope, not today” and moved onto something with love… maybe it’s too soon to direct a loving thought towards yourself…  do a loving thing… go find that book you have been meaning to dig into, knit a scarf, phone a friend…

Move through this world with love and the intention of love…. and then when you’re ready… Maybe think something loving about yourself.

Love is easy.

Hate is hard.

Simple as that.

 

love and hate

This video featuring Brene Brown and her speech on vulnerability has been floating around for awhile and I have never taken the time to watch it… until yesterday.

I probably spent 1/2 of it bawling my eyes out because it rang so true for me as itapplied to my body image and self-love.  It was the very first time that I was 1000% certain that I was going to find myself on the other side of this battle very soon and breathe the sweet fresh air of finally living authentically and in the moment…  I do have some work to do but I see now that it can be done and that I have the strength and the knowledge and the ability to do it!  I am WORTHY of this personal freedom.

But first, I have one last war with my demons…. all of them…  Brene Brown talks about how we Numb ourselves out to deal with uncomfortable feelings and I have been doing that for decades… I numb… but not anymore.  The fact is, if anyone is struggling with contentment – they are likely numbing themselves…. the balance of this post will talk about numbing as it pertains to weight issues and attitudes.

WE NUMB

Some of us turn to pills, to alcohol, to exercise, to cigarettes…. to FOOD.

We are all NUMB!

We go through these motions too afraid to finally admit that we aren’t afraid of fat – NOW we’re afraid of what life will look like if we stop fearing fat!!  Who would we be? Who would we be with? What would we think? What would we look like?

So we NUMB.

Your problem isn’t your weight.  Read that again.  Your problem isn’t your weight.  It’s the numbness, it’s the fear, it’s the guilt, it’s the shame!

We will all argue (very effectively and justifiably) that we all have been conditioned to BELIEVE these things.  We have been brainwashed to BELIEVE that true happiness and contentment will be found at the end of a diet in a string bikini.  That’s the hard sell… that’s what people who are selling shit do to get you to buy their shit!

So we try the hard sell and succeed for a minute, only to fail again (’cause remember success is measured by your ability to manipulate your body into giving you a certain number on the scale)… and then we feel sorry for ourselves… we tell the same sad sad stories of when we started to diet.. we regurgitate the stories of the times we were told we were fat or were made to feel fat.  We remember with longing the times we got “there” only to remind ourselves that we didn’t enjoy it as much as we imagined… ’cause we were still scared – we were still numbing.  We talk about the times when we tracked ever calorie, every rep, every heart beat and bead of sweat… We talk about times that we felt
SO.
IN.
CONTROL.

NEWSFLASH:  Life is not meant to be controlled!  It is not meant to be measured or compared or tracked or monitored.  Life is meant to be LIVED!  And as long as you numb yourself you will never be content in the moments, you will never love the skin you are in, you will never be happy with the simplicity that life has to offer.

Get REAL, stare your shame and your guilt square in the eye and tell it you are NOT fanning it’s flames any longer!  Reach out to us!   Listen, we give you the drops, you follow the book… you go on your way… But if you are really, really, struggling still that’s the part that we love about our Company – the chance to change lives forever and help set people FREE!

worthy

There is a strange contradiction to what I do and how I help people… sometimes I hate that I have to market our products as weight loss products… I cant’ stand the before and after pictures, the announcing of how much weight people have “lost”, I hate feeding the beast of FAT FEAR.

However, you do in fact lose weight when you use our products… a lot… quite quickly… so we work very, very hard to prepare you mentally to un-do all of the reasons that you have lost this weight before and gain it back.  The first thing we identify with people is that if they have yo-yo’d all of their lives then nothing about their “weight problem” has anything to do with weight.  Typically, the real problem are the ones created by the diet and exercise industry; the obsessive tracking, the “no pain, no gain” and the very worst of all… fat shaming and fear of fat.

For us to imply that we don’t know that people have found ways to abuse our products to continue this cycle of self-loathing, and body-shame would be both ignorant and irresponsible of us. We know that people are continuing the binge purge cycle.   However, we try, clients refuse this help.  It hurts me to know that people are still hurting even after an “almost encounter” with what we have to offer.  However, we must move on. We must move on and celebrate the changes we are seeing in ourselves and people that we have come to love and care about very much.

There are always going to be companies and clients that make our products look bad… but it’s another funny juxtaposition… if a person using our products – loses weight – gains it back – it’s the products that don’t work.  If a person loses weight by exercising aggressively and tracking their food and gain it back – it’s THEIR FAULT.  The real culprit here is people not identifying what the real problem is…. WE CAN DO THAT.  We can FINALLY set you FREE.  We can TEACH you ways to take control of YOUR body.

We must focus on the people that we do help and the lives that we are changing…. somedays.. .when I’m having a really bad day I just have to think about how far I have come.  It has been just over a year since I kept a “food diary” – something that I did almost daily for about 13 years.  I also kept an “exercise diary” complimented with a “reasons I suck diary”.  Do you see that if these tools really worked for me I would not have needed to lose weight (or thought I needed to lose – let’s not forget the “imaginary fat” decade!).  For some, I think these tools work, if losing weight or not gaining weight are the only measures of success.  However, I can tell you from personal experience that feeling guilt and shame about food and/or missing a workout and keeping journals about all of the depressing reasons why you just can’t seem to lose weight… does not a happy life make.

Throw away your scale.  Eat when you are hungry.  Stop when you are satisfied.  Move your body joyfully, deliberately, kindly.  Keep a journal about all of the reasons that you and your life are awesome.  This is what our “weight loss program” teaches you… you will find by and large most of what we promote has little to do with weight.   Our products act as a “hormonal re-set” and give you the opportunity to learn EXACTLY what your body needs.   The weight you lose is like a “motivational bonus”!

The thinking and belief system that I subscribed to for decades is deeply bedded in my psyche… some days I still consider food tracking, some days I still consider pushing my body beyond its’ limits, some days I still look in the mirror and hate what I see – it’s not all going to happen over night.  I imagine I kind of feel like the first people who began to realize that the earth was round…  I now KNOW the earth is round… like I KNOW none of the last 30 years of diet torture  served me… but goddammit… somedays I wake up positive the earth is still flat.   Those are the days I feed my soul – not starve my body.

What I know for sure is that I have experienced a shift that is creating a mind/body balance that I have never experienced – what I know for sure is that I have been RELEASED from the cruel, cruel world of diets and fat fear.  What I know for sure is that I have watched people shed and RELEASE far more than weight.  I have watched people blossom into the people they were MEANT to be and that INSPIRES me to keep the faith!

release

It’s just a sandwich…. but is the bread gluten free with grains sprouted from the wings of angels, is the meat preservative/cruelty free  and blessed by the Pope, is the lettuce organic free-trade and kissed by leprechauns by the light of the full moon???  Come on… just make your freakin’ sandwich!

First, no disrespect to individuals who make choices with their food based on dietary sensitivities or any other reasons…  I am, however, tired of all the self-righteous morality surrounding food that I believe is perpetuated by the food industry.  It’s like someone said “let’s confuse the fuck out of them and see what happens”  … The irony that our culture is by far the fattest it has ever been speaks to this point.  I think so many people are getting caught up in so many choices that in the end they are tired and frustrated and just reach for whatever is convenient.  The food industry is on to this (I guess maybe because they started this) and they have tap-danced on this confusion until you choose what you think is healthy AND it’s convenient.  I mean, have you been in a the yogourt section lately?  That’s another blog post all together but let me just say this…. if it tastes too good to be true… you should probably check how much sugar is in it!

photo(1)

*You seriously need a degree in chemistry to make the right choice!

I got a little caught up in this rat race when my oldest was an infant…. I made all of her baby food from scratch with only organic fruits and veggies (which I still maintain is not a big deal – it’s not hard to throw some stuff in a blender) and continued to feed her this way (she didn’t have fast food before she was 2) until I was pregnant with baby number 2…. then I got tired, and pukey, and a little more tired.  I started buying more convenient food that could be warmed in the microwave.  Guess what? She is still alive!!

This post is NOT intended to discourage people from making healthy choices for their families…. 95% of the food we eat everyday is homemade from scratch (including the muffins or cookies put in lunch kits)…  I’ve just climbed on down from my high horse and recognize that putting this level of morality around food got me in a whole lot of trouble.  I placed too much importance on food  in my life… and suddenly when I wasn’t able to make the “right” and “moral” choices about food I felt very guilty and shameful… about the fucking Alpha-getti.  I really believed that this less than favourable choice defined me as a mother.

This year, on my journey with Goodbye My Muffintop I have acknowledged what I was giving food too much power.  If I couldn’t make choices that I considered “perfect” – I would really beat myself up about it – and then, ironically, the shame would lead to binging on really “immoral” food.   Now, we just try to make the best possible choices, we eat when we are hungry (easier said than done) and we stop when we are satisfied (easier said than done)…  Now, my days are not filled with constant obsession about what I am going to eat and when I am going to eat it.  I feel FREE!   Hmm… think I’ll go have a sandwich.

sandwich

When you are trying to overcome your demons surrounding food and abusing it… turning to it for comfort – it’s important that you identify your triggers.  Some are very easy: stress, sadness, lack of sleep, frustration.  Some live buried deep in your psyche and seriously conspire to find ways to get you to crack and ultimately over-eat and satisfy that addiction.

The trigger that is buried deep in my psyche is the fact that my 3 year old daughter has Cystic Fibrosis.  Coming to terms with her diagnosis (which came when she was 3 weeks old) was a rollercoaster of every phase of the grieving process and somewhere along the way food became my biggest solace.  Not everyday, I didn’t abuse food everyday – these are the justifications that we create to make ourselves feel better and maintain an otherwise healthy lifestyle.  However, abusing food at anytime is extremely hard on your body – your entire hormonal system.

So, let’s abuse some food, feel tremendously guilty about it the next day, thereby over-exercising, eat well for awhile but don’t deal with the issues that cause you to abuse food, so you go and overeat again, lather, rinse, repeat…

This past week the community of Cystic Fibrosis parents watched as a little boy literally faded away in hospital finally succumbing to Cystic Fibrosis and dying.  It was by far my most painful experience with CF in a long time and the reality of what CF is slapped me down hard.  The little trigger in my brain wanted me to eat, very, very, badly.  I spent most of the week being very irritable or depressed (like a junky who needs a fix) and then finally, when I read a post from his mother praying for strength and her confession that she was pretty sure she couldn’t take this…. well, I caved and I ATE!

What I discovered about myself is that my trigger was a doozy – it was untouchable – it was extremely justified and therefore no one would dare mess with my need to overeat (not even the sensible side of my brain).  Really, would you tell a mother who has to face a reality that her daughter has a progressive, degenerative disease with no cure to not have those chocolate chips?  You’d probably whip her up a batch of cookies and tell her to go to town!  This weekend I realized that no one was going to tell me to stop – except for ME, MYSELF, and I.

I had come up with strategies to cope with situations that arise in life that might make me want to overeat – except for that one.  On some level, I kept that one protected, secure in the knowledge that it was UNTOUCHABLE, that no one was going to tell me to stop that one because the hurt and pain that justified it was like a shield of protection.  No one except me – except for that authentic piece of Kelly living in my soul that could deal with this broken piece of Kelly with just enough compassion and grace.  So I explained to this part of my psyche that this wasn’t helping me heal, this wasn’t helping me cope.  In fact, it took such a toll on my spirit and my physical body…

And THIS is what I love about what we are doing here and creating here.  Here is a place where you (and obviously I) can finally escape these prisons created by the morality of food and our justifications to abuse it…  It’s like a deep cleansing breath that starts a new day.  If you want a new day and the fresh air that comes with it – don’t hesitate to reach out.  E-mail me, call me, send smoke signals…click here  I’ve been there and I really, TRULY want to help…

road to recovery