Archives for posts with tag: food addiction

Last fall I was scrolling my newsfeed on Facebook and serendipity had a little fun with my life – you see, I was drunk.  I actually rarely drink and even more rarely get drunk so drunk scrolling on Facebook was very unusual.  Even more unusual was the message I sent to a friend telling her how happy and relaxed she looked in all of the recent photos she had posted.  This is a friend that gets real squirmy when you fire her a compliment – not in a “gawd, stop trying to be so humble when you’re so arrogant” kind of way… she REALLY is that humble and I REALLY check myself before I deliver her a compliment because I don’t want to make her uncomfortable.

So… I told her this and she said “Dude, we have to go for dinner because you won’t believe why I’m so happy and relaxed”.. so we did.  And she told me that she had an Energy Healer come and clear her house and then also had a treatment on her body and that I just HAD to contact her!!  I have lots of friends that are just as hippy dippy as me and this friend is NOT one of them – so it made me take note!

Fast forward a couple of months and I finally reached out to Lisa from Nine of Water….

lisa

Life.

Changing.

She has helped me Release so much garbage from my body and my soul…. months, years, probably lifetimes of guilt and shame.  All of the things that I knew deep down I was capable of becoming –  I am becoming.  She has helped me remove fear and doubt.  She has helped me learn to trust my intuition and guard my heart without having to lose my “heart on my sleeve” sincerity.  I am stronger, smarter, more confident…. all of this was in my soul to become and she helped and encouraged and it’s all happening people!  It’s not all sunshine and rainbows and unicorn poop…. she gets real and helps you with the little piles of shit you covered up in the corners of your soul… if we want to be free we gotta clean that stuff up lovies!

Our Release Retreats are always about our own personal journeys.. we share our own stories and the tools we have used to achieve self-love and surrender to the beauty of our lives.  So, it was kind of a no brainer when we asked Lisa to be a part of our day!  We did a quick little question and answer and here is what Lisa had to say:

Why did you agree to be a special guest at our Retreat?

“Because I LOVE love!!! I am ignited when women come together to encourage, support and acknowledge each other. I know that this will be nothing short of that.”
Initially, what “drew” you to us and the Retreat?
“The timing of the event. 2015 is all about self care!”
What part of our Retreat is the most exciting to you?
“Coming together to shed and dissolve the layers of resentment, pain or guilt. Super excited to infuse and integrate forgiveness, safety and support. My mouth salivates thinking about the tasty delicious exercises that we will all take part in!!”
My mouth salivates too when I think of the delicious day we are about to serve some women of Central Alberta!  I am so excited and so honoured that our little tribe of women is going to empower another group to create more love and more good in the world!
If you would like to schedule an appointment with Lisa before the Retreat (which I actually strongly encourage you to do) – you can check out her website and give her a call.  I think there would be some real value in identifying some issues before the Retreat so we can really dig deep and RELEASE once and for all!
Spaces are filling quickly and our earlybird rate expires at the end of the month so CLICK HERE TO REGISTER RIGHT MEOW!  Namaste my loves… Namaste.
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A couple of weeks ago we talked about “Truth” at Muffin Talk and how stepping into our truth (living authentically) can be a tricky business…  It’s probably been the toughest step for me in my “Release Revolution”….  What has been difficult for me to wrap my brain around is that it is okay for truth to change.  For whatever reason, I was brought up thinking that anyone that changes their truth a lot is a flake, mis-directed, not ambitious… now I see very clearly that the “Truth” is that this couldn’t be farther from the “Truth”!

Many of us have to adjust our truth frequently because we are so desperately searching for a place to “belong” – our culture dictates that there is nothing more important than “fitting in” – and many of us scramble and hustle to do this well.  We buy the right jeans and purses, we go to the right places, we eat the right things, we kick our asses at the right boot camps…. we hide our shame in the pantry or the bottom of a wine glass, we stuff our closets to hide the mess, we tap-dance for people that we quite frankly don’t really like. 

I have a secret….

About the truth….

Jeans and purses and wine and crackers won’t make you love yourself more…. or anyone else love you more for that matter.  Your soul wants you desperately to find your purpose…. to find your TRUTH … and if you take a minute to STOP the hustle? You just mind find it! 

In Junior and High School my best friend and I LOVED to write poetry… we dabbled in dark junkie language a la Nikki Sixx (’cause you know… we could totally identify in small town Southern Alberta).  I miss poetry and I haven’t attempted a single verse in almost 20 years.  I read this poem I wrote at Muffin Talk and it felt GOOD.  It felt like the TRUTH.

Truth is beauty.

Truth is forgiving.

Truth ebbs and flows and changes like every breath of everyday.

Truth is never the same….  Somewhere in the middle lies the truth.

Truth is nature is malleable, flexible, stunning and real…. we marvel at the metamorphosis.

Truth in our lives?

It’s scary.

It’s rigid.

It’s hard to change

It’s VULNERABLE…

The truth? 

The truth is;

we drink too much

we eat too much

we hate too much

we hurt too much…  because we can’t handle the truth.

The truth is…It feels too hard to find the truth, it feels too raw, too exposed, too shameful…

But it’s harder living a lie.

Your TRUTH is who you are at your core… your fundamental being…  some people won’t like it… but if you get there – it won’t matter.  You’ll be home.

truth

It’s just a sandwich…. but is the bread gluten free with grains sprouted from the wings of angels, is the meat preservative/cruelty free  and blessed by the Pope, is the lettuce organic free-trade and kissed by leprechauns by the light of the full moon???  Come on… just make your freakin’ sandwich!

First, no disrespect to individuals who make choices with their food based on dietary sensitivities or any other reasons…  I am, however, tired of all the self-righteous morality surrounding food that I believe is perpetuated by the food industry.  It’s like someone said “let’s confuse the fuck out of them and see what happens”  … The irony that our culture is by far the fattest it has ever been speaks to this point.  I think so many people are getting caught up in so many choices that in the end they are tired and frustrated and just reach for whatever is convenient.  The food industry is on to this (I guess maybe because they started this) and they have tap-danced on this confusion until you choose what you think is healthy AND it’s convenient.  I mean, have you been in a the yogourt section lately?  That’s another blog post all together but let me just say this…. if it tastes too good to be true… you should probably check how much sugar is in it!

photo(1)

*You seriously need a degree in chemistry to make the right choice!

I got a little caught up in this rat race when my oldest was an infant…. I made all of her baby food from scratch with only organic fruits and veggies (which I still maintain is not a big deal – it’s not hard to throw some stuff in a blender) and continued to feed her this way (she didn’t have fast food before she was 2) until I was pregnant with baby number 2…. then I got tired, and pukey, and a little more tired.  I started buying more convenient food that could be warmed in the microwave.  Guess what? She is still alive!!

This post is NOT intended to discourage people from making healthy choices for their families…. 95% of the food we eat everyday is homemade from scratch (including the muffins or cookies put in lunch kits)…  I’ve just climbed on down from my high horse and recognize that putting this level of morality around food got me in a whole lot of trouble.  I placed too much importance on food  in my life… and suddenly when I wasn’t able to make the “right” and “moral” choices about food I felt very guilty and shameful… about the fucking Alpha-getti.  I really believed that this less than favourable choice defined me as a mother.

This year, on my journey with Goodbye My Muffintop I have acknowledged what I was giving food too much power.  If I couldn’t make choices that I considered “perfect” – I would really beat myself up about it – and then, ironically, the shame would lead to binging on really “immoral” food.   Now, we just try to make the best possible choices, we eat when we are hungry (easier said than done) and we stop when we are satisfied (easier said than done)…  Now, my days are not filled with constant obsession about what I am going to eat and when I am going to eat it.  I feel FREE!   Hmm… think I’ll go have a sandwich.

sandwich

When you are trying to overcome your demons surrounding food and abusing it… turning to it for comfort – it’s important that you identify your triggers.  Some are very easy: stress, sadness, lack of sleep, frustration.  Some live buried deep in your psyche and seriously conspire to find ways to get you to crack and ultimately over-eat and satisfy that addiction.

The trigger that is buried deep in my psyche is the fact that my 3 year old daughter has Cystic Fibrosis.  Coming to terms with her diagnosis (which came when she was 3 weeks old) was a rollercoaster of every phase of the grieving process and somewhere along the way food became my biggest solace.  Not everyday, I didn’t abuse food everyday – these are the justifications that we create to make ourselves feel better and maintain an otherwise healthy lifestyle.  However, abusing food at anytime is extremely hard on your body – your entire hormonal system.

So, let’s abuse some food, feel tremendously guilty about it the next day, thereby over-exercising, eat well for awhile but don’t deal with the issues that cause you to abuse food, so you go and overeat again, lather, rinse, repeat…

This past week the community of Cystic Fibrosis parents watched as a little boy literally faded away in hospital finally succumbing to Cystic Fibrosis and dying.  It was by far my most painful experience with CF in a long time and the reality of what CF is slapped me down hard.  The little trigger in my brain wanted me to eat, very, very, badly.  I spent most of the week being very irritable or depressed (like a junky who needs a fix) and then finally, when I read a post from his mother praying for strength and her confession that she was pretty sure she couldn’t take this…. well, I caved and I ATE!

What I discovered about myself is that my trigger was a doozy – it was untouchable – it was extremely justified and therefore no one would dare mess with my need to overeat (not even the sensible side of my brain).  Really, would you tell a mother who has to face a reality that her daughter has a progressive, degenerative disease with no cure to not have those chocolate chips?  You’d probably whip her up a batch of cookies and tell her to go to town!  This weekend I realized that no one was going to tell me to stop – except for ME, MYSELF, and I.

I had come up with strategies to cope with situations that arise in life that might make me want to overeat – except for that one.  On some level, I kept that one protected, secure in the knowledge that it was UNTOUCHABLE, that no one was going to tell me to stop that one because the hurt and pain that justified it was like a shield of protection.  No one except me – except for that authentic piece of Kelly living in my soul that could deal with this broken piece of Kelly with just enough compassion and grace.  So I explained to this part of my psyche that this wasn’t helping me heal, this wasn’t helping me cope.  In fact, it took such a toll on my spirit and my physical body…

And THIS is what I love about what we are doing here and creating here.  Here is a place where you (and obviously I) can finally escape these prisons created by the morality of food and our justifications to abuse it…  It’s like a deep cleansing breath that starts a new day.  If you want a new day and the fresh air that comes with it – don’t hesitate to reach out.  E-mail me, call me, send smoke signals…click here  I’ve been there and I really, TRULY want to help…

road to recovery

People get the impression that we are promoting an “Effortless” way to lose weight, one where you essentially starve yourself and don’t exercise…. Let me be quick to clarify that essentially our RELEASE drops create a hormonal response that encourages your body to burn your abnormal fat cells as fuel…. You are NOT living on 500 calories per day… actually, you are living on about 3500 calories of your own fat per day!!  That is why people lose so many inches… I could get into the politics of why it gets a bad rap (the diet and exercise industry certainly don’t want people doing something that actually works ;)) but also, like anything with alot of hype there are sub-standard products out there that don’t actually have hCG or the vibrational hCG in them… so it IS a starvation diet… No hCG means you are not getting the hormonal response that makes you burn your fat as fuel… you will lose water and muscle.. that is why people that use sub-standard products look gaunt and unwell… they are essentially starving!

What the protocol does – if you really want it to – is finally RELEASE you from the rollercoaster of gaining and losing and gaining again… You won’t have to obsessively exercise to release 5 pounds because your metabolism will be re-set again.  You can RELEASE yourself from the guilt and obsession that comes from making food a moral decision and beating yourself up about not exercising for 90 minutes everday. You can create a world for yourself where movement is once again about pleasure and food ,REAL FOOD, is once again fuel for your body.

There is also talk that the protocol is easy… I suppose it might be for some… Maybe they aren’t as messed up as I am? Maybe they haven’t been on the weight loss quest since they were 9.  Nothing about this has been easy… It takes alot of courage to face your demons head-on.  It takes some serious courage to admit that you have a food addiction, to admit that you have some serious body dysmorphia, to admit that you think about your body and the way it looks way more than is normal or important… It’s embarassing to admit those things – I am a smart, confident, dynamic woman who has so much more to offer the world than how much space I take up in it!

obsession

I have considered alot over the last months of my RELEASE journey about what my life would look like if all of the time I spent obsessing about my body, my weight, the amount I exercise, all the journalling and measuring and weighing…. what if I had focused that on something that REALLY mattered? Something that made a difference and enriched other people’s lives?  What if you did that? What if we did that together?