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Below is a quote from one of our “Muffins” as we lovingly call our clients, lol.  I am so damn proud of this work that we do in liberating women from the diet culture.  When you alter the way you measure success in a weight release protocol, you alter the way people view their bodies, hearts and minds.

Jodi has become such an integral part of our happy little muffin family and I cried tears of joy as I read her review of her experience with our products and her results.

Here’s a little about who I am. I have been on a life-altering journey of self-love for just over 2 years now. I do not have an “eating disorder”. I do not eat emotionally. My weight, however, has always been so much at the fore-front of who I perceived myself to be. We all want to look a certain way, and we all think that our lives will change as a result of achieving that look. I was no different. I was introduced to GBMM by a dear friend and it prompted me to research it religiously for months before I even agreed to give it a try. You see, my game is self-sabotage. I can talk myself into – and out of – damn near anything. Add to that my amazing ability to procrastinate, you come out with someone who makes lazy, “convenience” choices that result in an unhealthy body. What protocol did for me was it made me prepare – literally – for everything. I kept telling myself “It’s only 28 days. I can do anything for 28 days.” So, I prepared – my food, my drops, my SELF – every week, every day, every meal. Something that I just had never done for myself before. What do you know? It paid off. By me actually believing in myself enough to do this for ME, I saw a pay-off. I felt a pay-off. I saw a side of Jodi that I hadn’t seen before – like, ever. My goal is not weightloss entirely, but it is to be off of my blood pressure medication. I am very proud and happy to say that I am almost there. My meds have been reduced by half. Protocol taught me to trust myself. It taught me to invest the time into myself that I deserve, dammit! My journey will be one that I plan and hope to continue for the rest of my days….it will branch off, pause, restart, and gallop ahead. Now that I know that I can do this for myself, and that I know myself better, I will be sexy-walking in a healthy body down that road. I love all of my fellow Muffins and am beyond grateful that they are walking their own paths alongside me.”

jodi

This video featuring Brene Brown and her speech on vulnerability has been floating around for awhile and I have never taken the time to watch it… until yesterday.

I probably spent 1/2 of it bawling my eyes out because it rang so true for me as itapplied to my body image and self-love.  It was the very first time that I was 1000% certain that I was going to find myself on the other side of this battle very soon and breathe the sweet fresh air of finally living authentically and in the moment…  I do have some work to do but I see now that it can be done and that I have the strength and the knowledge and the ability to do it!  I am WORTHY of this personal freedom.

But first, I have one last war with my demons…. all of them…  Brene Brown talks about how we Numb ourselves out to deal with uncomfortable feelings and I have been doing that for decades… I numb… but not anymore.  The fact is, if anyone is struggling with contentment – they are likely numbing themselves…. the balance of this post will talk about numbing as it pertains to weight issues and attitudes.

WE NUMB

Some of us turn to pills, to alcohol, to exercise, to cigarettes…. to FOOD.

We are all NUMB!

We go through these motions too afraid to finally admit that we aren’t afraid of fat – NOW we’re afraid of what life will look like if we stop fearing fat!!  Who would we be? Who would we be with? What would we think? What would we look like?

So we NUMB.

Your problem isn’t your weight.  Read that again.  Your problem isn’t your weight.  It’s the numbness, it’s the fear, it’s the guilt, it’s the shame!

We will all argue (very effectively and justifiably) that we all have been conditioned to BELIEVE these things.  We have been brainwashed to BELIEVE that true happiness and contentment will be found at the end of a diet in a string bikini.  That’s the hard sell… that’s what people who are selling shit do to get you to buy their shit!

So we try the hard sell and succeed for a minute, only to fail again (’cause remember success is measured by your ability to manipulate your body into giving you a certain number on the scale)… and then we feel sorry for ourselves… we tell the same sad sad stories of when we started to diet.. we regurgitate the stories of the times we were told we were fat or were made to feel fat.  We remember with longing the times we got “there” only to remind ourselves that we didn’t enjoy it as much as we imagined… ’cause we were still scared – we were still numbing.  We talk about the times when we tracked ever calorie, every rep, every heart beat and bead of sweat… We talk about times that we felt
SO.
IN.
CONTROL.

NEWSFLASH:  Life is not meant to be controlled!  It is not meant to be measured or compared or tracked or monitored.  Life is meant to be LIVED!  And as long as you numb yourself you will never be content in the moments, you will never love the skin you are in, you will never be happy with the simplicity that life has to offer.

Get REAL, stare your shame and your guilt square in the eye and tell it you are NOT fanning it’s flames any longer!  Reach out to us!   Listen, we give you the drops, you follow the book… you go on your way… But if you are really, really, struggling still that’s the part that we love about our Company – the chance to change lives forever and help set people FREE!

worthy

Oh my friends… having some weird times lately.  Feeling stuck, feeling overwhelmed and then feeling numb.  I realize that I have spent so much of my life in the pursuit of weight loss that I don’t know what to do with this free space in my head – so I dip my toe in the possibilities and everything comes rushing at once and I want to do it all… RIGHT NOW!  So… back to stuck again… and I run through the cycle.

So in noticing all of this lately – something else has been cropping up… some little part in my noggin’ that I thought was gone has started picking on me again… Those “After” pictures that I was so proud of 2 or 3 months ago are starting to look different to me. I am starting to criticize them and “find the fat” if you will.  It’s like this track in my brain wants to keep playing the same old song and dance and the only way it can get me to do that is to change what I see so it can keep me a prisoner of how I feel about my body.  So, now, instead of feeling proud of my “After” pictures I start to see where I could lose some more weight, where I could “tone” things up, where I need to ask the people that I’m coaching for forgiveness because I know my body isn’t “just right” so who am I to tell them how to change theirs???  Ugh, so gross.

So, now I see the cycle of the last year and everytime that asshole in my head started to pick on me and my body I would do another round of protocol… I would change my “After” picture a little bit more…  but something has changed that’s bigger than just an “After” picture…  I acknowledge that over a year ago when I was contemplating doing my first round of protocol I remember negotiating my little deal with the Universe… I remember saying “if I could JUST get there…” (with my weight) “I’ll be happy… I’ll be satisfied…”  and guess what? I’m there.. and most of the time I am happy and satisfied – but oh that asshole in my head!   I see decades… yep, I said it DECADES of wishing for a body I was NEVER going to have… Even when I was “imaginary fat” I was ALWAYS chasing 5 or 10 pounds…. 5 or 10 pounds kept me away from body satisfaction and made me a prisoner to diet and exercise…  So I see it now, truly – that even another round of protocol is not going to be the cure here…  It’s NOT about my body…

So… my solution?  No protocol.  Just maintenance. Just living. Just learning to treat my body with love and respect. Just yoga. Just sex. Just eating good food when I’m hungry.  Just celebrating life as it is.   Just being in THIS body. Right now.  To let who I want to be realize that I want to be so much more than a pant size or a number on the scale.  That I NEED to teach two amazing little girls that how much physical space they take up in this world is irrelevant to who they are and how much spiritual space they must contribute!

What a waste… what a waste… what a waste…. time to focus on things that I CAN change….

waste

It’s just a sandwich…. but is the bread gluten free with grains sprouted from the wings of angels, is the meat preservative/cruelty free  and blessed by the Pope, is the lettuce organic free-trade and kissed by leprechauns by the light of the full moon???  Come on… just make your freakin’ sandwich!

First, no disrespect to individuals who make choices with their food based on dietary sensitivities or any other reasons…  I am, however, tired of all the self-righteous morality surrounding food that I believe is perpetuated by the food industry.  It’s like someone said “let’s confuse the fuck out of them and see what happens”  … The irony that our culture is by far the fattest it has ever been speaks to this point.  I think so many people are getting caught up in so many choices that in the end they are tired and frustrated and just reach for whatever is convenient.  The food industry is on to this (I guess maybe because they started this) and they have tap-danced on this confusion until you choose what you think is healthy AND it’s convenient.  I mean, have you been in a the yogourt section lately?  That’s another blog post all together but let me just say this…. if it tastes too good to be true… you should probably check how much sugar is in it!

photo(1)

*You seriously need a degree in chemistry to make the right choice!

I got a little caught up in this rat race when my oldest was an infant…. I made all of her baby food from scratch with only organic fruits and veggies (which I still maintain is not a big deal – it’s not hard to throw some stuff in a blender) and continued to feed her this way (she didn’t have fast food before she was 2) until I was pregnant with baby number 2…. then I got tired, and pukey, and a little more tired.  I started buying more convenient food that could be warmed in the microwave.  Guess what? She is still alive!!

This post is NOT intended to discourage people from making healthy choices for their families…. 95% of the food we eat everyday is homemade from scratch (including the muffins or cookies put in lunch kits)…  I’ve just climbed on down from my high horse and recognize that putting this level of morality around food got me in a whole lot of trouble.  I placed too much importance on food  in my life… and suddenly when I wasn’t able to make the “right” and “moral” choices about food I felt very guilty and shameful… about the fucking Alpha-getti.  I really believed that this less than favourable choice defined me as a mother.

This year, on my journey with Goodbye My Muffintop I have acknowledged what I was giving food too much power.  If I couldn’t make choices that I considered “perfect” – I would really beat myself up about it – and then, ironically, the shame would lead to binging on really “immoral” food.   Now, we just try to make the best possible choices, we eat when we are hungry (easier said than done) and we stop when we are satisfied (easier said than done)…  Now, my days are not filled with constant obsession about what I am going to eat and when I am going to eat it.  I feel FREE!   Hmm… think I’ll go have a sandwich.

sandwich

So… I am preaching and begging that people ditch their scales…. if you are on a lose weight/get fit/get healthy quest … don’t measure your progress by using the scale.  I must admit 4 weeks ago when I was telling people this I was really only half-way in it – not totally committed to this way of coaching.  However, The Universe, that tricky little thing, really, really wanted me to believe it!  Another week has gone by and my scale has not moved at all… not at all….  If I was only using the scale to measure my success I would be very, very sad indeed.  Lucky for me I had some other ways of measuring;

1.  My thighs are no longer rubbing together when I walk!  Seriously, what would you prefer – to lose 5 lbs. or to liberate your thighs from each other?

2.  I can do so many more yoga poses so much more comfortably now that my belly is out of my way!

3.  Yesterday I tried on a top that I bought 2 summers ago.  It WAS a  cute little baby toll TOP.  Now, it’s a cute little babydoll DRESS;

4.  I tried on a dress at  Le Chateau and it fit!  It fit!  For those of you who don’t know about Le Chateau their idea of a sizing is not generous… 10 months ago I was wearing a size 18 pair of pants… and they were tight but I refused to buy a size 20… I was not going to be a size 20.

little things

These little things make me so happy.  It’s just these little accomplishments that I note along the way that keep me going and further convince me that the scale is such a teeny, tiny snapshot of who you are.  It’s like measuring your self-worth by something as arbitrary as the size of your feet… I am sure in the morning our feet are these cute little dainty things but after a day of chasing kids, wearing some heels, running errands… they are probably bigger at the end of the day…  we don’t beat ourselves up about that one.. who decided on the scale?