The quest for body perfection has become a tricky little bastard with a tricky little way to fool you… It has wrapped itself up in “health”… as in, if you keep trying to get a perfect body you will be healthy… like counting every calorie and tracking every rep is a healthier way to eat and exercise…. Like having “6 pack” abs is a definition of health. I have my own ideas now about extreme exercise that I won’t share – I really, really, want to end the cycle of judging others and how they choose to take care of their bodies but I also want other women to know that it’s okay to question this…. That it’s okay to wonder how exercising to the point of injury is “healthy”.
I recently had a very interesting conversation with a woman about this judgment. We were talking about family vacations and she indicated that when they vacation with their whole family they really have to consider her father-in-law who has had 2 hip replacements since he was 55. Yep, that’s right first hip replacement at 55. He had always been an extreme athlete, played football through high school and college. Often played when he was injured. Then, he became a runner and often continued running against medical advice. As she started to express how bad she felt for him I stopped her and I asked her how she would feel if her father-in-law was fat. If he was obese and because of this obesity he had required 2 hip replacements in less than 20 years. She agreed that this was a very interesting question – that many would see an obese person requiring these surgeries as a “they did it to themselves…” and cast judgment and possibly say derogatory things about the cost to our healthcare system. And really, what’s the difference? Her father-in-law mistreated his body too – just because his mistreatment made his body look good didn’t change the fact that his health was compromised by the way he treated his body.
I remember, before children, when I was “imaginary fat” – I always used to commiserate with my friends that I just wished that my body would reflect how hard I worked at the gym… Ugh, I want to hug that woman, and then slap her… My body did reflect how hard I worked – I just didn’t “see” it… I will never quite understand how I managed to convince myself that if I just worked out harder and ate so much less that somehow that would make my legs and my torso longer… it’s true, I was striving for a body that only someone a good 4 or 5 inches taller than myself would ever have! That certainly speaks to the effective brainwashing of the diet and exercise industry.
In any event, I guess I am ready to change the dialogue – ready to ask the tough questions of people and how they view their own bodies as well as others. It’s time to shift our attitudes about health and realize that the quest for skinny has never been about that.
I met with a client yesterday and much of her story resonated with me… we both have been on “diets” and the quest for weight loss since before we were 10. We both had mamas that struggled with their weight. We both have 2 little girls that we will give anything, ANYTHING to not pass these body-image issue onto!
Through this whole process I have never said I am on a “diet”… I try my best to not moralize food… we don’t say certain foods are “bad” for you or “good” for you… we just talk about healthy choices. I also try very hard to let my kids follow their hunger cues…. But there are things that are far more important than this…. They are watching and listening. They see me look at myself in the mirror, they watch me step on the scale…. they listen to me talk to my friends… and as my husband says
“little cabbages have big ears…”
In just a few years time my influence on my daughters when it comes to body image will no longer be as substantial as their friends or the media so I have some work to do and I think it is of the utmost importance that they learn from a woman who feels good about her body and her appearance – but it’s a fine line too right? I want to send the message loud and clear to them that what they look like is just about the smallest part of being a WHOLE good person.
They are listening mamas… but not to the lip service you pay them when you are making their lunches or choosing a snack… They watch you get ready for a date with their Dad, they see you turn and turn in front of the mirror and then frown, they hear you say the “F” word to your friends (FAT)….
If I succeed at one thing in my life – giving my girls a healthy attitude about their bodies would make me so proud… Listen to yourself today, watch yourself today… Could you do things differently?
Oh my friends… having some weird times lately. Feeling stuck, feeling overwhelmed and then feeling numb. I realize that I have spent so much of my life in the pursuit of weight loss that I don’t know what to do with this free space in my head – so I dip my toe in the possibilities and everything comes rushing at once and I want to do it all… RIGHT NOW! So… back to stuck again… and I run through the cycle.
So in noticing all of this lately – something else has been cropping up… some little part in my noggin’ that I thought was gone has started picking on me again… Those “After” pictures that I was so proud of 2 or 3 months ago are starting to look different to me. I am starting to criticize them and “find the fat” if you will. It’s like this track in my brain wants to keep playing the same old song and dance and the only way it can get me to do that is to change what I see so it can keep me a prisoner of how I feel about my body. So, now, instead of feeling proud of my “After” pictures I start to see where I could lose some more weight, where I could “tone” things up, where I need to ask the people that I’m coaching for forgiveness because I know my body isn’t “just right” so who am I to tell them how to change theirs??? Ugh, so gross.
So, now I see the cycle of the last year and everytime that asshole in my head started to pick on me and my body I would do another round of protocol… I would change my “After” picture a little bit more… but something has changed that’s bigger than just an “After” picture… I acknowledge that over a year ago when I was contemplating doing my first round of protocol I remember negotiating my little deal with the Universe… I remember saying “if I could JUST get there…” (with my weight) “I’ll be happy… I’ll be satisfied…” and guess what? I’m there.. and most of the time I am happy and satisfied – but oh that asshole in my head! I see decades… yep, I said it DECADES of wishing for a body I was NEVER going to have… Even when I was “imaginary fat” I was ALWAYS chasing 5 or 10 pounds…. 5 or 10 pounds kept me away from body satisfaction and made me a prisoner to diet and exercise… So I see it now, truly – that even another round of protocol is not going to be the cure here… It’s NOT about my body…
So… my solution? No protocol. Just maintenance. Just living. Just learning to treat my body with love and respect. Just yoga. Just sex. Just eating good food when I’m hungry. Just celebrating life as it is. Just being in THIS body. Right now. To let who I want to be realize that I want to be so much more than a pant size or a number on the scale. That I NEED to teach two amazing little girls that how much physical space they take up in this world is irrelevant to who they are and how much spiritual space they must contribute!
What a waste… what a waste… what a waste…. time to focus on things that I CAN change….
Some stuff I haven’t wanted to admit for a long time is how much I let my weight affect my life the last few years. Since having my first child 6 years ago – my insecurities with respect to my body took on a whole new level. Now, I was real fat… not the “fake fat” I was through my 20‘s. Now I was real, thighs rubbing together, couldn’t touch my toes because of my belly – fat.
I have avoided opportunities to see people from my past because I was embarrassed of my body and didn’t want them to see me fat. I have avoided doing fun things (like anything involving a swimsuit) because I felt uncomfortable. And like this quote.
.. I thought I had time … and I have let 6 years of my life go by where I was so disappointed and self-concious of the way that I looked I can honestly say I have missed out. It’s like I thoughtI could put my life on hold and once I lost the weight I would get back at it…. now, lucky for me that is what happened… but what if any of a number of tragedies had befallen me …. would I have EVER said “well, at least total strangers didn’t get grossed out by seeing me in a swimsuit”…
This is a common conversation I have with clients… they don’t go skiing or bungee jumping because you have to say how much you weigh. They don’t wear a swimsuit in public… EVER… I have had some clients say they don’t eat in public, they don’t go on amusement park rides… you get the picture.
I have not reached my goal weight but what if I never reach my goal weight? Or, what if I miss some opportunities because I am sending out a frequency that tells the Universe that I am in a holding pattern…. “don’t send anything her way… she’s waiting…” You see what I am saying?
We all think we have time – we all wish for more time -we all waste time – we all abuse time. But about 10 months ago I decided “It’s about time”… I tried everything else and nothing worked. Until this, until I was brave enough to admit that maybe I was fat enough to give this a try…
I know there is a ton of mixed information out there and I encourage and applaud anyone to please, please, please be safe, please follow this protocol as it was intended, please ask questions and demand answers but please know that this works and it’s time. It’s just time. It’s time you release yourself from this holding pattern and get your life moving and flowing again! Find out how I changed my life by clicking here.
People get the impression that we are promoting an “Effortless” way to lose weight, one where you essentially starve yourself and don’t exercise…. Let me be quick to clarify that essentially our RELEASE drops create a hormonal response that encourages your body to burn your abnormal fat cells as fuel…. You are NOT living on 500 calories per day… actually, you are living on about 3500 calories of your own fat per day!! That is why people lose so many inches… I could get into the politics of why it gets a bad rap (the diet and exercise industry certainly don’t want people doing something that actually works ;)) but also, like anything with alot of hype there are sub-standard products out there that don’t actually have hCG or the vibrational hCG in them… so it IS a starvation diet… No hCG means you are not getting the hormonal response that makes you burn your fat as fuel… you will lose water and muscle.. that is why people that use sub-standard products look gaunt and unwell… they are essentially starving!
What the protocol does – if you really want it to – is finally RELEASE you from the rollercoaster of gaining and losing and gaining again… You won’t have to obsessively exercise to release 5 pounds because your metabolism will be re-set again. You can RELEASE yourself from the guilt and obsession that comes from making food a moral decision and beating yourself up about not exercising for 90 minutes everday. You can create a world for yourself where movement is once again about pleasure and food ,REAL FOOD, is once again fuel for your body.
There is also talk that the protocol is easy… I suppose it might be for some… Maybe they aren’t as messed up as I am? Maybe they haven’t been on the weight loss quest since they were 9. Nothing about this has been easy… It takes alot of courage to face your demons head-on. It takes some serious courage to admit that you have a food addiction, to admit that you have some serious body dysmorphia, to admit that you think about your body and the way it looks way more than is normal or important… It’s embarassing to admit those things – I am a smart, confident, dynamic woman who has so much more to offer the world than how much space I take up in it!
I have considered alot over the last months of my RELEASE journey about what my life would look like if all of the time I spent obsessing about my body, my weight, the amount I exercise, all the journalling and measuring and weighing…. what if I had focused that on something that REALLY mattered? Something that made a difference and enriched other people’s lives? What if you did that? What if we did that together?